just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
