I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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