idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
