I molested 6 butterflies tonight
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
