it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
