woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
