Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
