God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
