Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
