She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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