that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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