I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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