how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
