the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
