I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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