I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
time to smoke my breakfast
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
