babies were throwing up all over the place
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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