Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
