Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
