i was rollin on her like bob the builder
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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