life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
