Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My ass is underappreciated
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize