College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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