I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
