I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
