You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
