my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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