i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
