yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
