I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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