can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
