I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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