I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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