If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
