I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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