I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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