I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize