just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Jerry, you need to find god
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
