so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
