My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
