at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
