you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
