dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
