true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
false alarm. still invincible.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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