I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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