Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm passing your future prison.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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