His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize