i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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