I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
