Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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