I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
