If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
