I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
And then he peed in my hair
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