kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
