I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
