Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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