May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
