My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize