I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
