Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
