I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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