so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
