did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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