It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
