mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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