a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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