you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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