so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
