Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
